Attract Women – Why Being “Too Nice” Kills Attraction
Click here www.TooShyToDate.com to learn to attract women authentically. Many people think attracting women works by showing women you’re attracted to them by doing nice things for them and women will just feel attraction back. Other people say that to attract women you need to be a jerk or bad boy because that is the real way to attract women. But nobody seems to talk about the powerful social mechanism that’s causing a lot of men who try the “nice guy” way to attract a girl by being a super nice guy to end up lonely and wondering why (despite all their obvious efforts to show why they are the best man for the girl they like) the girl just doesn’t seem to “feel any attraction”. And a lot of guys who go with the “bad boy” approach to attract women end up alienating the women they want to attract the most. In this video Stephan Erdman from TooShyToDate.com is explaining the real underlying reason why being overly nice to a girl you’re attracted to in will often destroy attraction that might well have developed if you hadn’t made any extra effort or bought her those flowers or took her out to fancy places or called her 5 times a day or all the other things men often do to show a girl they “like” her…Being a “jerk” (whatever that’s meant to be) is certainly not the answer..but in the video Stephan gives several precise tips to avoid ever making the crucial mistake of putting reciprocation pressure on a woman so that she can notice attraction to you develop naturally …
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Awesome.
I think the pressure to be nice is a massive rapport killer. This is a much better take on the Nice Guy vs. Jerk/Bad Boy debate.
I notice there are already a bunch of comments but it would mean the world to me if you answered a question for me. I am guilty of the exact thing you are talking about here. I care very much for a girl, and have clearly been going about it wrong. How do I fix this now since I’ve clearly already messed it up by being “too nice.” Do I figure to just start from scratch now? I can’t tell you how much it would mean to me to get some help with this.
Thanks Stephane.. You’ve gave me some useful tips.. And ya, i’ve forget to tell you: Happy New Year 2011.
I have a question. How do you bond with a girl? I mean even as a friend. I cant seem to get to the next level i mean past the “hi” “bye” level. As a reason, i dont have any strong female friends. I would appreciate it if you can reply to this. Thanks Stephan.
your 100% right ..thanks
you are my favorite ‘dating guru’ the others are all so arrogant and condescending making you feel like it really is true that everyone that gets women is a douche
Another example of the “fakeness” thing you described is when someone gets a crappy gift. Their reaction is always fake, they will always act happy just to be nice, even when they don’t like the gift.
what a big load of sensenes
this hit the nail on the head with my problem too. For me, it used to never be give AND take, just giving as-in being overly nice and never relaxing a bit and letting things come naturally. As soon as I quit that whole thing (soon after) I got into a great relationship. There’s a time to be forceful, there’s a time to be spontaneous, there’s a time to be serious, and there’s a time to be nice.
Great videos!
PS: I give a lot of credit to the Pimp Your Lingo program & 6 Week DYC Challenge.
Cool vid. Question you could answer for your next video if you need ideas: When is it right to “give up” on a girl? I can’t be the only one who gets confused around that
@nickybev You’re already in the relationship, so I doubt it.
man!! you have just answered my problems. I am too nice to girls and they put me in the friend zone. I i always try to stop being so nice and then i end up losing interest in them. But being nice is who i really am. so are you trying to tell me to not be myself? i can’t help it. lol.
i got the girl i like a present for her bday, bout 6 months ago and then a present for Christmas…. She did something similar… i assume im not being “too nice” cause its a special occasion… i do compliment her tho, not alot, just subtlety
if im dating a girl rite now, will the “too nice” issue occur?
Finally, a unique topic. Thanks, man. Keep it up.
Fair enough, women don’t like men who are clingy. But men who just act like complete tossers are so much worse, and very few women really want that in a man. Don’t be clingy, but don’t be a dick, because women really don’t like it!
golden advice
tnx dude
Wow, i’ve spent the night watching your videos, and I feel like the Buddha. ENLIGHTENMENT
Perks 
Sweeeeeeet
@jambrandon531 Woah dude!! tell yourself in your head… STFU in a calm voice (Stephan taught me that haha). You need some serious inner game enhancement. With thoughts like that you will never get laid. It’s all attitude, and yours it terrible. No offense but it’s true. I’m a virgin too and have never had a GF and I’m 20 so I can relate. But talking like that is the worst thing you can do! Please work on your inner game before you kill yourself, seriously.
@jambrandon531 You’re a great guy no matter what girls think of you, or no matter you think of yourself
A few nights ago I was playing beerpong and this trashy but cute girl kept messing with me and my partner. My partner, who I met that night, was being so nice to her that I lost respect for him lol. I noticed I have become aware of what being a ‘nice’ guy is and how Wussy it is! He was telling me to be nice when I teased the girl, I just laughed in his face. But they still hooked up!! But that’s because that girl would have fucked any guy in the room. Fuckin college…
i realize i am a loser aka nice guy women hate me i know they do they do not feel any attraction for me never have never will i am 21 never had a girlfriend been on a few dates women know they dont love me women think i am gay and to nice i realize i am not worth anything i totally suck God knows i ant nothing
i feel like you you are talking directly to me i realize i suck like crap women hate me none like me man i sware i am not worth nothing
Um… I maybe wrong but I’m getting sense that giving off mixed singles is meant to attract women. I’m not sure that is a good alternative.
huh. kind of makes me wonder where I am with respect to this one girl.